I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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