He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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