I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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