I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
