Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
