i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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