mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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