hell yes lets make some ravioli
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
