I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
