This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
