Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
