why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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