I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's the barista slut.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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