they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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