he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
