And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
