All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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