At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
