It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
