Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
