its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
