I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
