Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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