ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
