I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
