you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
