Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
