That's when you crack a 10am beer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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