Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Plan B is the new Plan A
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
