Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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