I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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