My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
