He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
