My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
