i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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