I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
