Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
