The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
