Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
