Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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