I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
