running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
