I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
