Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
