I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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