if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
