every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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