I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
