I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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