haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
