Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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