She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
