Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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