I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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