she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My pussy is not your playground.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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